Evolution.

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Elric of the void
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Evolution.

Postby Elric of the void » Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:16 am

Evolution: For those that don't know about history..... . here is a
condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/
gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbeques and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlie-men.


Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because
it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Soldiers, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals
remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept
in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get
more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history..... ..
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
believers and to more Liberals just to piss them off....


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Jif
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Postby Jif » Fri Apr 18, 2008 2:12 am

i'm pro peanut butter consumption

Zargon
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Postby Zargon » Fri Apr 18, 2008 1:28 pm

Ok fine, I'll bite.

Conservatives & liberals are two sides of the same coin. Both believe it's perfectly morally acceptable to some groups of people to violently impose their whims on other groups of people.

Ever since I started applying the non-aggression principle consistently, I realized that all the differences between them are totally irrelevant.
Squirrels Emulating young Earthlings

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Fist of the eskimo
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Re: Evolution.

Postby Fist of the eskimo » Sun May 30, 2010 12:32 pm

I just found this post when I searched for brewery, huh

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Bacon
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Re: Evolution.

Postby Bacon » Sun May 30, 2010 12:38 pm

can we just delete threads that get epically necroed?

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Darkfoxx
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Re: Evolution.

Postby Darkfoxx » Sun May 30, 2010 12:45 pm

Gaming:

Workstation:

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Fist of the eskimo
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Re: Evolution.

Postby Fist of the eskimo » Sun May 30, 2010 6:36 pm



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